Locked In and Out of Love: 3 Ways to Manage a Relationship after Quarantine
It seems like the outside is finally back open. Now, after over a year of being stuck in the house, we can get out and live our lives. Now we’re able to go spend time with our loved ones unless you’ve been cooped up in the house with your “loved” one.
If nothing else, quarantine has taught us that love and healthy relationships are more than just spending time together. Plenty of us have been spending all the time together with our partners, and now our relationships are struggling. We’ve gone from working in the office to transforming our living space into a workspace alongside our partners. It’s no longer date night to reconnect, but cooking every meal together and needing a date night out of the house and away from our partners, just for ourselves.
There were predictions that the divorce rate would rise due to the prolonged exposure and confinement with our partners. Truthfully, I have seen this in my practice. More so, there’s been an influx of couples coming to therapy since many of the restrictions changed. If your relationship is feeling the strain, you’re not alone. The main thing is that you and your partner survived a pandemic and the world shutting down. Now let’s consider adjusting your relationship to survive the aftermath of quarantine together.
1. Enhance connection and intimacy
It can be incredibly challenging to enhance intimacy while still feeling unsettled and even a little panicked (essentially because the pandemic isn’t entirely over). I wholeheartedly believe that part of our humanity is created and wired for connection. During this quarantine, we’re supposed to be socially distant but not necessarily disconnected. Maintaining connection and intimacy is crucial for any healthy relationship. Right now, we all need a friend, and why not let it be the person you’re in quarantine with or the person you chose to spend your life with. Take time to return to your relationship roots and do what you did to court one another. Spend time doing the things you enjoy together that you may not have had the time to indulge in before. Bringing back friendship means bringing back connection and intimacy. Relationships change over the years, which is ideal for getting to know your partner again and staying connected. Take time to ask questions about everything from your partner’s dreams and goals to favorite movies and foods — all help to enhance your intimate knowledge of your partner.
2. Enhance space and independency
While in quarantine, separate space within the house was a major luxury. If you, unfortunately, did not have extra space, you’re desperate for personal space. Personal space and alone time are a necessity! Let there be a time where you and your partner are not sharing the same physical space all day and all night. Far too often, we lose ourselves in our relationships and forget that we are independent and individuals. Find time and space to be alone with your thoughts and emotions for a portion of the day. Having some alone time allows us to reconnect with ourselves. When we can do that, we discover new parts of ourselves that we can become excited to share with our partners. Let’s give ourselves time to miss our partners. Even if they’re just in the next room during quarantine, it can still feel a bit suffocating and overwhelming. A little space apart is a beautiful thing.
3. Enhance conflict management
It’s incredibly easy to go a bit stir crazy when you feel like you’re locked in and can’t get out. How many of us can agree with that? It’s also effortless to take that out on our partners. Being quarantined with a partner has shown us that those perpetual conflicts, and even small fights, reoccur and are more impactful than ever imagined. Do you need a timeout from the battle and struggle to re-engage the discussion? Returning to a conversation is an enormous challenge after quarantine and too much time together. Rather than bail out from the conflict, lean into it and manage it. Set aside time for healthy discussion and dialogue over the issue. Before you debate a problem, take some personal time to calm yourself and prepare your emotions. You couldn’t run from the argument during quarantine, so now many of us are very avoidant. Instead of continuing to avoid, share how you’re feeling and what the conflict means/represents for you.
Whether we loved or hated quarantine and feeling so close to our partners, we are forced to balance our relationships and independence. Our relationships can survive this quarantine, but only if we work to sustain it. Nothing comes easy, but when we put in the work, it’s worth it.