4 Ways to Step Up Your Empathy Game

Have you ever had a friend try to talk to you about something they did or something serious and you feel the immediate urge to roll your eyes?

Don’t do it.

They didn’t come to you for your judgment and shade, they came for a friend. They came to have their feelings validated and to be heard. Yes, we can have our opinions but sometimes we have to be able to “read the room” and know when your opinion is truly needed in certain situations.

Have you ever been part of a staff meeting that you felt like could have just been an email because the meeting wasted your time?

Been there.

It’s easy for us to judge and criticize others or situations that we’re in. We feel the urge to throw our two cents in when we have our PHD’s from Google University, but the reality is we need to take a step back and show some empathy. Regardless of how you feel about the situation, judgment and criticism are never necessary. Empathy is free of charge and not that hard to give away, even at work. You may not agree with something but engaging from a place of empathy will give you space to speak your peace and feel your perspective is received and heard.

People can have a hard time showing empathy, or just don’t know how to. Here are few ways to step your empathy game up.

1. Listen without judgement

One of the main ways to show empathy is simply by listening. Listen without being ready to scold the person or make it about what you would have done instead. Listening to understand is better than just listening to respond when it comes to being empathetic. Just sit back and actually take in what the other person is saying. You can’t listen very well when you’re trying to rush through someone’s emotions and perspective, just to get to your own.

2. Look for feelings

If you’re really listening, then it’s pretty easy to pick up on how someone may be feeling when they’re in an emotional situation. While you’re listening, try to pick up on the emotions behind their words. If you can’t discern what the emotion is easily, that’s ok–ask them. It’s perfectly ok (and even encouraged) to ask someone how they are feeling. Here’s a hint–if you feel confused because they seem to be panicking or worrying, then they probably are, and I suggest you ask for clarification. Feel free to say something like, “You seem to be very worried about xyz. Are you feeling anxious about it?” Be curious about how they are feeling and ask, then you don’t have to guess because you aren’t a mind reader.

3. Hold Space for them

Sympathize with where the person is coming from. If you look for the feelings and recognize they are experiencing fear, worry, sadness, or another emotion; then tap into a moment where you have felt that same emotion. There’s nothing worse than laying out all of your feelings and having someone just say “Wow, that’s crazy” every five minutes. When someone is hurting, they want to know that you understand, and you’ve been in that same feeling before or somewhere close to it. It helps you to connect with the person that you are empathizing with. It also makes it easier for that person to become more comfortable with you and delve deeper into their feelings.

4. Summarize and validate

At the end of your conversation, recap what they were feeling and what was discussed. Ensure that you understand their perspective before giving your two cents. Validate their emotions and let them know that they were right in feeling their emotions and that you understand. People can often feel guilty about being angry with something or even crying about a situation. It’s okay to feel your emotions however you need to feel them. Not everyone is the same and we don’t all process situations in the same manner. Validating their emotions can put a person at ease.

Being that person that a partner, friend, family member, or co-worker can turn to is so vital and helpful on so many levels. You never really understand how close someone can be to shutting down emotionally. Being a shoulder to lean on and letting someone know that they are actually being heard can make such a huge difference in them emotionally and mentally. Showing a little bit of empathy goes a long way.