Are You Doing the Heavy Lifting?
So, fellas, I have a question for you. Do you really know what your significant other really wants?
If the answer is yes, how much effort do you put into giving your significant other what they want. Come on now be honest! Are you actually doing the heavy lifting? Now we know you guys can get up at 5am and head to the gym and put in a 3-hour workout. That takes some real effort and dedication. So, when it comes to your relationship are you willing to put in that same effort? For some people they have their exercises laid out for them before they hit the gym. It just makes life easier. You know you’re doing cardio Monday, Wednesday and Friday but, Tuesday and Thursday are body circuits. Where am I going with this? When your significant other is practically giving you the workout plan why are you confused? Why is it so hard to put the effort in and complete the exercises? The same pride you have in taking care of yourself is the same pride you should have in taking care of your relationships.
Now before everyone gets upset, this isn’t towards every man. We know there are some of you out there that never miss a day of heavy lifting and we see you! This is for the fellas that show up but half ass the workouts, or the ones that show up and have no clue where to start. Today is your lucky day because I have some exercises for you to follow that can change your relationship for the better.
Don’t worry! You can start out slow and increase your reps over time. We don’t want you to hurt yourself trying to rush through the process or lift more than you can handle (yet). This isn’t a race. It’s more of a lifestyle change.
1. Never miss a Monday
We know Mondays can be the worst BUT they set the tone for the week. It’s a new week to be great and better than the last. Just like Mondays we don’t feel like hitting the gym, it’s about consistency and dedication. What are your goals? If you’re dedicated then you can’t skip or half ass it. It’s easy to forget to prioritize your partner and show them how important and valued they are. Making a person feel valued is the tiniest thing you can do to show that you see them and recognize who they are and what they do for you/your relationship. Remembering to prioritize your partner goes hand in hand with showing how important they are to you. This shows that they aren’t an afterthought or last on your list when it comes to what is important to you.
2. Core (relationship essentials)
Have you ever been working out and struggle with a movement that you have done time and time again? If you’re thinking about planks then you know exactly where I’m going. It sucks and it’s hard because your core isn’t strong enough. So you grunt and struggle through it because you probably don’t do them often enough to see improvement. It’s the exact same thing in our relationships. Sometimes, your core isn’t strong enough. In relationships your “core” is a collection of relationship qualities/essentials to having a healthy relationship. At the core of our relationships we need to have empathy and connection. Without empathy and connection we focus all of our attention on us and our wants/needs. But is a relationship just about you? No. Without empathy and connection you start feeling distant and develop that feeling of your partner not understanding you. Showing that you understand your partner’s emotions allows them to feel more comfortable with you and open up more. This leads to a stronger connection. Without a connection what do you really have?
3. Upper body (heavy lifting)
We have all seen the guy in the gym that always does the upper body. You know, that guy…the one with amazing biceps and pecs, but chicken legs. The upper body is no easy feat and it gains a lot of attention. People stop and stare at that guy, but he doesn’t realize that people also see that he is quite neglectful of his lower body. The relationship upper body workouts are all of the romantic gestures: flowers, cards, candy, gifts, fancy dinners, date nights, etc. It’s so easy to think this is enough to sustain a relationship, but it’s not. We have to include respect and reciprocity to compliment the romanticism. It’s easy to focus on romantic gestures, but it’s also easy to get so wrapped up in life that all the romance can go out the window. We get tired, annoyed and just exhausted so who has time to think about romance right? While it can be hard, don’t let the romance go. The heavy lifting means to keep respectful, reciprocal, and romantic interactions at the forefront of your mind. Aim for small moments of connection that communicate love, respect, fun, and romance. Try little gestures here and there to keep the spark going instead of big declarations of love every time the relationship feels disconnected. Let me be candid, if every time you’re in the doghouse you do some big romantic thing it doesn’t actually redeem you. Make sure you’re reciprocating what your partner is giving you and vice versa. Most importantly don’t forget to maintain the respect in your relationship. Even on those days when we’re over it and we’re upset, NEVER forget the respect. Without the respect you damage your connection and that can be hard to get back.
4. Don’t forget leg day
To some people leg day is the absolute worst! You know it’s worth it but after your exercises you can barely walk out of a room. You have to just keep your head down and get it done. Relationship leg day: the individual work we do on ourselves to be better partners.
Individual work is the hardest because while we don’t think we’re perfect we don’t think there’s anything problematic. It’s always the other person. At some point we have to turn the spotlight on ourselves and that’s always uncomfortable. It’s okay. Everyone has flaws and figuring out what you need to work on individually can be extremely beneficial to your relationship. Here’s the million dollar question gentlemen: what stops men (but women too) from being more emotionally available and vulnerable partners? It is hard for men to open up and be emotional. The reality is no one is taught how to be in a relationship and many men are not taught as boys how to feel and express emotion. Many times emotional availability and vulnerability is viewed as weakness. Let me be abundantly clear–it is not weakness! It is a strength for any man to be able to feel the emotions and sensations in his body and communicate what it means to him. You have emotions too and how is your partner supposed to know what you’re feeling if you never let them in. It can be jarring at first but I promise once you get past the initial fear of it all, you’ll be much better off.
5. Cardio
Now the way some people feel about leg day is how I feel about cardio. I hate it. It always feels like cardio has me one asthma attack away from passing out, despite knowing that cardio is good for me. So what is cardio in a relationship? Conflict management. You have to learn how to fight without all the extra shenanigans. Conflict management will have you thinking that this is going to be the fight to end it all. And sometimes it is. But sometimes it’s not and, as my mother says, we are making mountains out of molehills. Pick your battle, face it head on, communicate and resolve it. Going into a conflict with your significant other and not having a gameplan isn’t the way to go. We never think about it this way, but we have to be strategic in how we navigate and manage conflict. It’s so easy to get off track when arguments happen because everyone’s emotions are high and that can lead to a screaming match. Try to put some time in on conflict management and watch how much better your conflict resolution gets. Without it you can say goodbye to healthy communication.
Here’s your workout plan guys! I know sticking to your exercises can be hard at first but giving a little time here and there will get you headed in the right direction. Remember not to give up and don’t compare yourself to anyone else’s progress. Focus on your end goal and remain consistent. Put in the effort and you’ll start to see the results you want over time. Like I said, this is a lifestyle change and not a quick fix.