3 Aspects to Constructive Conflict

There is a misconception that healthy couples do not fight. However, that couldn’t be further from the truth. The biggest differences are that healthy couples have constructive conflict and are emotionally intelligent and attuned to their partners. Healthy couples don’t just take the gloves off and start going at it. There’s a method to their madness, or in this case their way of fighting. Fighting to solve an issue and be heard is different from fighting to hurt the other person. Nothing will ever be solved that way. You’ll just end up adding another small problem to your bigger problem. Focus on the issue at hand and the goal you aim to reach.

There are 3 aspects to look out for when it comes to learning the anatomy of a constructive and healthy fight:

The way we bring up a fight

If we are going to bring up an issue, a softened approach is more likely to be well received as opposed to be taken offensively. Please don’t kick in the door screaming about the issue and expect your partner to actually receive what you are saying. That’s not going to work. Take your moment to feel your emotions, gather your thoughts and then express them to your partner. Like anything in life, having some kind of plan will provide a better delivery for what you’re trying to accomplish.

Creating dialogue

No matter how big or small the conflict is, we always need to create a dialogue. Things can’t be resolved if we don’t create a space where we can openly discuss the issue. Now creating the dialogue may not solve everything right away, but at least things are out in the open and you have a foundation to build off of.

Perspective and Compromise

Once we are able to sit down, have the hard conversation and create a dialogue, then we can work to understand the other’s perspective and reach a compromise. It’s not going to be easy because sometimes you both may feel like you’re right and that’s it. This aspect may actually be the hardest to get through because there’s a strong chance that you’ll have to admit to being wrong. No one wants to do this, but do you want to be right or happy? With every relationship comes a point where you’ll have to compromise. Now I’m not saying to give in to everything, because there are some things that are non-negotiable, but compromising can save you a lot of fights and unnecessary drama.

There are some issues that will always result in conflict between couples. As those issues come up, the goal is to talk about it in a way in which we understand the other person’s dreams, or desires, that are hidden within the conflict. Remember to stay focused on the actual issue, create a safe space for both of you to reveal your true feelings and concerns. Last, but certainly not least, try to understand your partner’s perspective and be open to compromising. Learning to disagree in a healthy and constructive way can lead to a healthier relationship, and help you both gain a better understanding of each other.