3 Rules to Follow When You Begin Divorce
No one ever gets married just to get divorced. No one actually wants that or expects it. We often go into marriage truly believing and wanting our marriage to be forever. But sometimes things happen, feelings change, and people can grow apart. There is no shame in separating from someone that is no longer a good fit for you, or vice versa.
The person you married years ago has changed and the new person they are now doesn’t seem to fit with you anymore. Sure, it sucks but, it’s okay to let go. Divorce isn’t always black and white, and it can truly change people when you start to realize that things are over.
When you’re going through a divorce, there are a few rules you should try to remember.
Rule #1: The person you married is not the person you are divorcing. Likewise, you’re not the same person you were when you got into the relationship. Like I mentioned before, people change over time. Neither of you are going to be the same people you were when you first got married. If your soon to be ex starts to get malicious, and act as if you hadn’t been married the last 15 years, just know that’s one of the changes that could happen. Their feelings for you could have taken a turn and you’re no longer dealing with the person that used to bring you coffee in bed or flowers every week. It’s a hard pill to swallow, but the sooner you realize that changes are happening, the easier it will be to handle the pain and even awkwardness of it all.
Rule #2: Become transactional. At this point, your partner’s main concern is no longer your emotions or how you feel about something. They are looking out for themselves. So, make sure you are focused and looking out for your best interest. I know it’s hard to just cut off the emotions you’ve had for this person, but you’ll need to have a clear head going into the divorce proceedings, so you don’t end up giving away more than you need to.
Rule #3: Divorce is not the end. Look at it as the beginning of something new. I know a lot of people can see themselves as a failure after divorce. That’s not true. Sometimes things just aren’t going to work out the way that you hoped. If you know that you gave it your all and you didn’t leave any stone unturned, rest easy knowing that you tried and gave it your best. All you can do from that point on is look forward to a fresh start. Leave all of the baggage and negative memories behind and start over.
Divorce can be tricky especially when it is unexpected, or things start to get nasty. Try to keep a clear head so you’re too wrapped up in your emotions and it clouds your judgment. Focus on the task at hand which would be separating from this person as amicably as possible. Even if they start to throw jabs and hit below the belt, just remember to stay focused and don’t let any of that throw you off. People can do some crazy or hurtful things when they’re hurting. Hurt people, hurt people and that’s because they want to bring you down to their level. It’s a way to make you feel what they’re feeling. Just take a deep breath, face it head on and know that you’ll come out of this better and stronger than before.