The Good, The Bad, and the Insecure: Relationships in the Age of Social Media
I think it’s fair to say that dating and relationships have changed over the years. As a Millenial, I can remember when dating and meeting people not only happened before social media DMs, but I remember the evolution of this internet life. I am completely dating myself here. For the record, I am only 34, so I am still very much a spring chicken and a young tenderoni.
I remember AOL chat rooms asking ASL for your age, sign, and location. I remember Myspace. And I remember Facebook when it was just for college students. It’s been a slippery slope and downhill fall since then. But more than anything I remember what it was like for your friend to hook you up with someone and they couldn’t stalk your Facebook or Instagram profile first. And when social media started to evolve, I remember the value of being Facebook official. It wasn’t real if your profile didn’t say “in a relationship with” that person.
But things have changed and the expectation is not only to meet someone online but to fully publicize your relationship over social media. If you don’t have a plethora of pictures of your partner then it isn’t real. Now there is very little room for privacy and it is often confused for secrecy. But now the very thing that helped some couples connect is driving them apart.
Too much screen time:
It’s 2021 and most of us don’t really know how to function without an iPhone in our hands. We are so consumed by constantly being plugged into the internet and sharing our lives on social media that we have forgotten how to interact with friends and family. Think about it, how many of us document every instance on our phones, not to remember the moment but to show our “followers?” It’s almost as if. if it isn’t documented on social media that it didn’t really happen. While we feel connected to multiple people, some we don’t even know, we are disconnecting from our partners who are often in the very same room with us. Is it really surprising when our partners feel neglected, ignored, and unloved?
Suspicious behavior and jealousy:
Since we spend so much of our lives on social media, it’s no wonder that it raises major concerns for partners. What was intended to be social and connect with friends from a distance has turned into a black hole for indiscretions and secret relationships. Social media has become a space to be a completely different person than who we are in real life and in our relationships. It’s a breeding ground for jealousy when we spend more time on social media than in a real connection with our partners. And if our partners are spending too much time on social media it allows us to go down the rabbit hole with them and try to follow, watch, and secretly monitor their behavior. Social media can easily interfere and ruin a relationship. What was intended for connection can easily lead to a cycle of jealousy, mistrust, and secrecy.
An avenue for infidelity:
Sometimes suspicions are valid and warranted. It’s very easy for social media to be used to create new relationships and turn away from a current relationship. Social media is an easy reprieve from the stress of monogamy and our relationships. The reality is that now online relationships are the norm as opposed to the anomaly. As with everything else online, relationships established on social media derive instant gratification and ease that a real relationship does not. It has become an escape from reality, yet people don’t realize it’s also not real. However, people start online affairs and ultimately end up risking (and sometimes ruining) their relationships and families over an online tryst that isn’t a real relationship.
I am not saying that social media is the devil or that people will always use it for ill-intent. However, I am saying that we have to be more responsible and communicative in our relationships instead of running to social media for an escape. Real talk, our partner’s want to feel connected and valued in the relationship — just as we do. But instead of leaning in and turning toward one another, we often get scared, insecure, and run away. The solution to our relationship issues isn’t in social media, and the problem isn’t the relationship itself. Put the phone down and talk to one another. You’ll be surprised how much you still like the other person.